Shalom Haver
by Rotem Shahar
Summary: Read this one 3rd. Scully's diary entries, then Mulder's point of view, and then a third person point of view ending.


Title: Shalom Haver  
Author: Rotem Shahar  
Feedback: no, please dont send any. I just needed a  
way to vent my emotions and this was the result. I  
really dont care for feedback on this either way.  
Categories: SAR  
Keywords: MSR, cancerfic, character death, AU  
Spoilers: Cancer arc  
Rated: PG  
Archive: YES, where ever it might end up is fine as  
long as the headers stay with it.  
Summary: Scully's diary entries, then Mulder POV, and  
a third person POV ending.  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they all  
belong to CC and 1013 and FOX....no infringement is  
intended...  
Authors Notes #1: My mom just died of breast cancer  
and this fic came from my experiences.  
Authors Notes #2: you know those fics that you swear  
you'll never read? well, I'm writing one of those.  
Cancerfics and Character Death are two of the few  
types of fics I will not read, yet here I am writing  
one.  
Authors Notes #3: Shalom Haver is in Hebrew. It means goodbye friend,   
and refers to Yitzchak Rabin. It was a phrase used to express how   
deeply he would be missed and how people viewed him,   
so I thought it was fitting.  
Dedications #1: To my mom.  
Dedications #2: To everyone who's helped me through  
this, especially Cathey, who stayed on the phone with  
me all day Saturday just being there for me.  
  
~*~  
~*~  
October 16, 1997  
  
Mulder brings me files and we pretend that everything  
is fine, that everything is normal. I was transferred  
out of the hospital and to my mother's house. I'd  
rather be surrounded by familiar people and objects,  
not in some sterile hospital room.   
  
I can still walk around the house, but it's hard.  
  
Every few steps I have to rest and catch my breath,  
everything I do is in slow, painstaking movements...I  
wonder sometimes if it would be better to be convicted  
of a capital crime; at least I'd die by painless  
injection instead of feeling the cancer eat away at my  
body and seeing my family in pain.  
  
I dont tell anyone about my thoughts, but I'm sure  
Mulder knows what I'm thinking.   
  
~*~  
October 17  
  
It's getting harder and harder to do every day  
activities that most take for granted. I can no longer  
wander the halls, nor can I breathe on my own. A  
respirator was brought in. Writing is becoming harder  
and harder for me. My hands shake as I write, and I'm  
afraid that they will not be able to read the letters  
  
I am trying to write to them as my final words.  
  
~*~  
October 18  
  
They offered a 24 hour hospice in home, and both my  
mom and Mulder thought it would be a good idea.  
They're telling me that its ok to be weak, its ok to  
let go. And that they wont love me any less for it.  
  
~*~  
October 19  
  
I feel the life as it drains out of me. There's a  
steady stream of visitors. Skinner, Langly, Byers, and  
Frohike; they all come to visit. Some of my friends  
from college and high school whom I've managed to stay  
in touch with have also come to visit. They sit and  
talk, some pray.  
  
~*~  
October 20  
  
I can no longer speak. All that comes out is a hoarse,  
raspy whisper.  
  
I've told everyone not to come visit me anymore. I  
don't have the energy. I only allow my family to see  
me like this.  
  
I better tell mom to call Charlie and Bill. I'd really  
like to see them once more.  
  
~*~  
October 21  
  
Bill and Charlie booked flights as soon as mom called  
them. They arrived early this morning. Mom tells me  
that they didn't believe it was actually happening,  
that it was true. They come in and sit with me,  
alternating every hour. I guess that's as much as they  
could take at a time.  
  
~*~  
October 22  
  
I've given up on the letters. I can't write more than  
a few words without needing a break.  
  
Mulder stays with me all day now, he doesn't leave my  
side.  
  
~*~  
October 23  
  
  
I won't let anyone else into the room. More like they  
knock and if Mulder answers they enter, but if not  
they leave. He is the only one I want to be with, the  
only one I want to share my last moments with.  
  
~*~  
~*~  
October 24  
  
She can't eat solid foods anymore. I asked Maggie to  
run out and buy some baby food so she could eat.  
It's harder for her to drink also. She needs help  
sitting up, and must rest before she can take a sip of  
water.  
  
~*~  
October 25  
  
Her cries of pain pierce the night. I called the  
doctor to get him to raise her prescription or to  
switch her to a more powerful medicine. He switched  
her onto morphine.  
  
With this switch come side effects. The doctor said  
that she'd be alseep most of the time and when she  
woke up she probably wouldn't recognize us.  
  
~*~  
October 26  
  
Her moans of pain mixed in with pleas for help are  
almost unbearable. Giving her medicine every four  
hours is not enough. I need to talk to the nurse about  
this.  
  
I read to her.   
  
A few days ago I asked her what she  
wanted to hear, and imagine my surprise when she asked  
me to read Harry Potter. I was finally able to get a  
copy of the books today, and I promptly started  
reading. We're almost done with the first book  
already.  
  
~*~  
October 27  
  
When the nurse saw the extreme pain Scully is in she  
doubled the prescription, without the doctor's orders.  
When the doctor came in to check up on her, he stated  
that doubling her dosage was rediculous and not  
recommended.  
  
I argued with him long and hard, and finally told him  
that whether he approves of it or not, I'd be giving  
her twice his recommended amount.  
  
~*~  
October 28  
  
The doctor authorized the doubling of her medication  
today. My long arguing with him and ignoring his  
prescription seem to have worked.  
  
I would rather her not be in pain and not recognize us  
than have her in extraordiary amounts of pain that no  
one should live through and know exactly what is going  
on.  
  
~*~  
October 29  
  
She sleeps all day now.   
  
I still read to her. If I didn't I'd feel as though I  
were letting her down. Not fulfilling my obligations  
towards her.  
  
~*~  
October 30  
  
Scully's feeling a bit better, she can breathe on her  
own again. She asked to be taken off of the  
respirator. I can only hope that this is the start of  
a gradual increase in health, but I'm not optimistic.  
  
She's stopped eating. Before, she at least ate a few  
spoons full. Now she doesn't eat a thing.  
  
~*~  
~*~  
October 31  
  
"Promise me," Scully said, drawing in her last breaths  
of air, "Promise me that you'll keep fighting."  
  
"I promise." Mulder whispered.  
  
Satisfied with his answer, she slipped away in his  
arms. And as the silent tears rolled down his cheeks,  
he knew he had to keep his promise.  
  
~*~  
~*~  
  
The End. 


End file.
